Who am I?
As a completely open book, I’m a person who hates that question. “Then why did you ask it on your own website?” Wow what’s with the second degree? I’m obviously a masochist – as is every single human working in the film industry.
Anyway. I’m not convinced anybody who has a succinct answer to that question is telling the truth, giving the whole picture, or has taken the time to find out. That to say, I’m a lot of things, and succinct is not one of them, so, here goes (in first person because third person bios are weird).
I’m Kali Ruth, born and raised in Tucson, Arizona. Growing up I remember having ever changing interests, but always loving the creative. Singing, dancing, acting, sewing, writing. Creativity runs deep in my family, but is not seen as a something compatible with a career. This felt implicit as I picked my major in business instead of anything else I might have been drawn to – even though it was clear that the only joy I experienced in school came from theater as an actor or director, or dancing with a baton or rifle in my hands. And to be frank, I’ve never felt that I’ve particularly excelled at… anything. I’ve been good at everything I’ve tried, but never great. And it was explicitly stated many times, by many people in my life and in the broader sense, that to succeed in any creative field, you must be extraordinary. I never felt anything but ordinary.
I started at the University of Arizona and almost immediately upon enrolling, I dropped out. And at 18 I started in the sex work industry for the first (but not the last) time in my life, as a stripper. Don’t you worry, there’s a script about this. After only five months of dancing, I just felt that my life choices weren’t quite chaotic enough. I thought what the hell, why not sign my life away, so I signed a US Navy contract and left for bootcamp. I had a very tumultuous experience in the military, one that many women vets can relate to, marked by medical and mental health issues. I was honorably medically discharged after serving three of my six year contract. I carry an extremely complicated guilt surrounding my service and do not often talk about it more than the simple fact of having been in. I am grateful in many ways for the experience, complicating the guilt and feelings even further.
Immediately upon separation I re-entered the sex work industry, very very briefly, as a cam girl (Only Fans before Only Fans was a thing) and as a sugar baby (but I always say Splenda baby… embarrassing). I also briefly nannied and went back to my waitressing job before starting back at college, now paid for by my GI Bill. I moved a few times across the country during all of this, (dragging my now two perfect angel puppies around with me). Changing my major from nutrition to marine biology, and then to sociology, the one that finally stuck. I was mainly focused on school post military, but I did take a few breaks. One to do the Disney College Program at Disneyland. And another when my health, physically and mentally, hit an all time low at the end of 2019. I felt I had hit rock bottom, weighing in at an all time high of 315 lbs and feeling hardly functional on any level. I decided I needed to move far away from everybody to focus on myself and my health. I ended up in Florida and was stuck there for Covid, where I did get myself together, finished my AA online in sociology, and felt the best I had since before I was 18.
I left Florida to finish my BA at San Jose State in 2021, and after a year I accidentally found film. It was like the missing puzzle piece to everything. I loved what I was doing with sociology, what I was learning, and where I planned to take it, but film filled all of the gaps. After being on my first set, there was no going back. Living the type of life I’ve lived, you know when things feel right and when they don’t. And I have truly never been in a place that felt the way film felt – every tiny detail I learned, every new person, every new experience, it felt like coming up for the first breath of air after nearly drowning.
That’s not to say it’s all been rainbows and butterflies. It’s honestly a nightmare much of the time, but a nightmare for a good cause. Because for me, there was never a question about what I wanted to do in this industry. There was one reason why I stepped foot into the film industry, and that was to bring the stories and voices to the screen that would otherwise remain a statistic or research paper. It has made things both easier and more difficult to have an exact goal like this. I know precisely what I want, I have guiding principles, and there is always something I can be working on. But there isn’t a path for this. There truly isn’t a path for anything in this industry, but if you have less of a tight hold on your end goal, more willingness to branch out, you have a lot more flexibility in your steps. I simply will not branch. I am here to bring my sociological knowledge, personal experience, and all of the silenced voices to the screen – there are no other routes I am looking to explore.
Beyond the film industry, I am a lot of things – I feel a lot of things, I am interested in a lot of things, I’ve experienced a lot of things, I care about a lot of things. But the beauty of this industry and my goals within it, is that all of those things, all of who I am, finally have a place to become one, to compliment each other rather than fight, feel lesser, feel broken.
